Welp, it finally happened, good people. On Thursday, a grand jury in Manhattan honored former President Donald Trump by making him the first ex-commander-in-chief in history to be indicted on criminal charges.
Although the official charges in the indictment have yet to be released to the public, we know that he’s been indicted for allegedly paying hush money to adult film star Stormy Daniels. And the MAGA world is fuming. From Republican legislators to the white and disgruntled hordes on MAGA Twitter, hard-right conservatives across America are in meltdown mode while the rest of us laugh, celebrate and mock Trump with fake photos of him being arrested and thrown in the slammer.
But fear not, my QMoron brothers and sisters, for the MAGA Klan has a new recruit—a fierce warrior trained on the sunken place sands of Mar-a-Sambo where Black people are conditioned to protect white nationalists at all costs.
Jason Whitlock has your back!
After the news of Trump’s indictment dropped, Whitlock went to his favorite Black friend head-patting facility, Fox News, where he sat down with closeted Trump hater and cartoon M&M groomer Tucker Carlson to declare that he has officially joined MAGA America, which is like a KKK member declaring that they are officially on board with white supremacy.
“Tucker, I’m not saying this with pride, I’m just being factual—I have never voted,” Whitlock said in a shocking admission that the so-called patriot has never participated in his own country’s political process. “I am hardcore MAGA tonight. I will be voting. I’m hardcore MAGA. I’ve never voted. I’ve observed Trump. I’m somewhat supportive of Trump. But they have made me MAGA. And they have made me ready for whatever is next because what they are building for young people, I can’t sit by and just let it happen without raising my voice and being willing to sacrifice whatever so that kids don’t live in a Communist Marxist society.”
Wielding sharp buzzwords that right-wingers have rendered meaningless like “communist” and “Marxist,” the real-life BlacKkKlansman appears to be preparing for a new civil war because he knows now that there are two Americas—one where liberty and justice are afforded to all, and one where fine Amererican orangey-white supremacists like Trump are mistreated, oppressed and marginalized by a justice system that is systemically weaponized against them.
And how dare this great country of ours allow such weaponization to take place? How dare these “racist” Black prosecutors abuse our legal system in order to go after a former sitting president who abused our legal system and his political platform in order to relentlessly spread loud, wrong and dangerous voter fraud propaganda, which inspired an attempt at overthrowing the government at the U.S. Capitol?
Sarcasm aside, Whitlock’s declaration that he’s an official Vanilla ISIS recruit who has been radicalized by an oppressive government while pledging his support for an ex-president who tried to forcibly overturn a legal election in order to remain in power is just damn hilarious. I mean, hypocrisy is generally right-wingers’ love language (along with bigotry, bootlicking and Trump-humping) so Whitlock’s rant isn’t terribly surprising. Still, watching this Black man turn red in the face like the white man he wishes he was over an indictment he would have no problem with if a Democrat was the defendant is a sight to behold. (Seriously, all of these big mad conservatives are pretending this isn’t the equivalent of Bill Clinton’s sex scandal, but with a Republican.)
We’re still waiting to see how things shake out now that Trump is officially in the hot seat, but for now, many of us are just enjoying the biblical flood of white tears, including White-lock’s.
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