Sen. Tim Scott (R-S.C.) announced Wednesday that he’s—*yawn*—planning to run for president.
Scott Tweeted that he—*rubs eyes*—“will never back down in defense of the conservative values that make America exceptional,” because, for whatever reason, Republicans think keeping America the exact same America that it’s always been is something revolutionary enough to be worthy of a diet Braveheart speech (and they’re soooo boring).
“That’s why I’m announcing my exploratory committee for President of the United States,” Scott continued. “This fight is personal. I want every American to have the same opportunities I had.”
I suppose if I squint really hard, I can kind of, sort of (but not really) see Scott getting somewhere in the vicinity of being the Republican frontrunner for the U.S. presidency. He has all the right qualifications that non-kin folk skin folk need to succeed as honorary white nationalists in the GOP. He famously declared that “America is not a racist country,” despite all the statistical evidence to the contrary. And, despite being a die-hard believer in post-racial America, he also pretends Republicans are being treated the way he pretends Black people are only pretending to be treated. (It’s like Inception, but with Black conservatives whose sunken place has a sunken place.)
Still, one can read an entire novel full of software terms and agreements content and still find nine things more interesting than Scott’s bid for the presidency. The man is boring. He’s not as cartoonishly obnoxious as Jason Whitlock or Candace Owens. He doesn’t quite speak MAGA’s love language of anti-intellectualism the way Herschel Walker did. Tim Scott is basically a variant of Ben Carson who can hold his eyelids up for more than three seconds at a time (unlike me whenever I’m writing about Tim Scott).
So, now that Scott is the latest contestant on The Presidency is Right (Wing), a lot of folks seem to be predicting he will join fellow South Carolina Republican Nikki Haley and the others in trailing in the polls far behind Florida Gov. Ron DeSantis who is trailing far behind former commander-in-legal-election-beef Donald Trump, who, by the way, Scott said he would support in 2024 last June.
Others noted that the guy who doesn’t think America is racist launched his campaign ad from Fort Sumter on the anniversary of the day Confederates took it over and fired the first shots of the Civil War.
Others pointed out a video that shows Scott’s own fellow Republicans engaging in the proud American tradition of leaving a Black man hanging.
Anyway—*vigorously splashes water on face*—good luck to Tim Scott. I’m sure if everything works out with his exploratory committee he will run an exciting camp…
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